Le Tour and Life As We Know It

Well the 2011 version of Le Tour has come and gone.  And I’ve gotta say that it was one of the best that I’ve seen in quite a while.  So let’s see, we had a car hit two riders, numerous ones fly into ditches, cars, each other, and a “car park” or a driveway if you will.  And still, the climatic rides up the Alpe d’Huez, le Tourmlet, and several coles not to mention the foray into Italia, well it was really good (regardless of what the lord of the yellow band says).

I think that there were four storylines that I can relate to in my personal life.  First you had Johnny Hoogerland from Vasconeli get ran over by a press car in a breakway, fly into a a fence with barbed wire strung on it, get up and collect himself and get back onto his machine to finish not only the race, but the stage as well.  After thinking about this, it got me thinking about myself.  You see, Hoogerland got 33 stitches in his thigh and another 11 in his back, drug himself over six treacherous mountains and finished the damn race.  Now with as many times that I’ve been pushed down, I’ve gotten back up and finished.

There have been more times than not recently that I have said that I can’t keep getting up from getting knocked down.  But since I’m an idiot, I keep doing it.  It’s not productive, but it’s what I do.  I always try to figure out how I can get up and succeed again.  It’s a skill that I’ve had my whole life; more than likely it comes from a lifetime around sports.

The second story is that of one Alberto Contador.  Here’s a guy that almost couldn’t ride in the Tour this year because of pending doping charges against him.  So he rode in the Giro de Italia just to get a grand tour victory.  Well in doing that, he pretty much rode himself out of the Tour by the middle of it’s second week.  But somehow, in one of the Tour’s grandest and most well known mountain stages, 48 hours removed from bonking on another mountain stage, he found the will and perseverance of a champion to perform at the top of his game and finish third on the Alp after attacking the Schlecks time and time again.

How can I relate to this particular story?  Well like any winner would, I have fought back from adversity time and time again.  Whether it’s my inner battles or any other thing you want to throw at me, somehow I always find a way to fight through it and sorta be successful.

Thirdly I can relate to France’s Thomas Vokler.  In Vokler you will find a character that no one, not even himself, gave a chance to.  But for 10 days, he held on to the Malliot Jeune.  He fought each and every day.  I know how that feels because there are times that I feel that I have no chance at all.  He didn’t think that he was going to hang around in the mountains, but he did.  He didn’t give himself a chance in hell to finish in the top 10, but he finished fourth behind some top class riders in the Schlecks and overall GC winner Cadel Evans.  Who leads me to my final comparison.

Cadel Evans is a guy that was always near the top in the grand tours’ GSs but never finished better than second. Yes. prior to his victory Sunday he had podiumed in the Tour, but never on the top step.  In the Alps, it looked time and time again that he didn’t have a chance to finish on that top step, or on it at all.  but with a little help, a lot of skill, and a touch of luck he did just that.  The Schlecks sucked at the TT and Cadel killed it.  He had the best TT ride of his career to this point and ripped the Yellow Jersey off of Andy’s back to stand on that top step for the first time in his career.  He was the first rider from Australia to win a grand tour, much less the first one from the Southern Hemisphere to win one.

I’m feel that I’m similar to Cadel in the fact that I’ve been on that next to that top step before.  Then did everything in my power to get there.  And I did, before I screwed it up.  But I think it’s the allure of getting to that step that drives me each and every day.   If I can’t, at least I can say that I was there once.  But somehow it just doesn’t seem good enough for me.

Am I perfect, no.  Will I ever be?  No.  But can I be a winner again, that IS the question.  I want to WEAR YELLOW again.  I want to feel that sense of knowing that I’m on top again.  I live for it.  I think we all do.  However, it’s what we do to get to the top step of the podium along the course that shows all of us who we really are, what we can really do, and what we can accomplish if we just set our mind to it.

I will be back on a bike again as soon as I can afford it.  I want to ride and I want to race and I REALLY WANT TO WIN!

Adieu.

The Future is Uncertain

Well just as the title suggests, my future is very uncertain at this moment.  I have applied for each job that has come open, that I qualify for & not a single call or interview.  Just rejection letters saying that although I am a qualified applicant that there were others that they “felt” fit into their criteria.  Well I will tell you that it’s a load of bullshit.

Look, I know that I don’t have the most stable work history, but I feel that I am very good at what I do for a living.  And I will also tell you that even thought I am well liked by my peers, it doesn’t necessarily translate into job opportunities.  I am at a point in my life that I could move into a position & stay there for quite a while.  However, the more I get passed over, the smaller the window gets.

I’m currently working for a well known retail footwear company in one of their outlet stores.  The money is not all that great, but it’s relatively close to what I do in an equipment room.  But let’s not beat around the bush here, it is not where I want to be right now.  I’d prefer being on a college campus getting ready for training camp & two-a-days.  Instead, I am picking up shoes that our customers drop onto the floor & leave there because they don’t have any common sense.

Oh, & I have been watching the Tour & am excited about the finishing stages.  The Alps should provide for some really good drama over the course of the next couple of days.  On Friday, I will blog about this year’s tour as I watch the peloton ride up the Alpe.

End of line.

Back Again

Well here I am, back at it after another long lay off from blogging.  I dunno how I feel about this whole thing.  I mean, you type out all of your thoughts and feelings.  And there are times when people read what you’ve poured your heart into for the short period of time that you’ve spent in articulating what you think and feel.  Some will interpret what you write in one way and some in others.  But at the end of the day, your thoughts and feelings are all that you have.

Since my last posting, my wife has left me and taken our daughter to Tennessee.  For whatever reasons led our marriage to this conclusion, it happened, and I can’t change anything about it.   We’ve agreed that when we have the finances, we will legally end our relationship as spouses.  We’re better as co-parents and friends than we were as spouses.  I guess retrospect is a lot like watching film of the game you just played.  You watch it, study what you did wrong, then go to practice and work on it with every intention of winning your next time out.

Winning.  It’s a word that I forgot all about.  I forgot what it felt like.  I forgot how to celebrate it.  I forgot how to live it.  You see, winning isn’t necessarily about scoring more points than your opponent, it’s about triumphing in whatever you do on the daily basis, then reviewing what you did wrong, fixing it, then work hard to achieve victory again.  The only maddening thing is that, within the confines of a football season, it only lasts for so long.  Then the season ends, and you have to begin again anew.

Life is not a season, it’s an occupation.  You have to work you ass off every day to achieve even the smallest victory.  Whether it’s getting back into the gym or beating someone to the counter at the coffee shop or merely getting your self out of bed, winning is an occupation.

I forgot about that.

I lost the feeling of winning.  I was loosing so much that I forgot what it felt like.

What we need to do as individuals is revel in the little victories that way when you win the whole thing, you’ll know that every day you did everything within you ability to put yourself into a position that will allow you to be victorious.  You need to remind yourself that things are not as bad as they seem.  If you can do that, you’ve already won.  I’m reminded of the times that I got to see my little girl walk for the first time, and call me daddy for the first time, and eat by herself the first time.  All of those events were wins, every single one of them.  Each event a victory that is leading to her adulthood.  Hopefully, she’ll win enough that she’ll never forgets what it’s like to win, to be successful.

Success is another word that elicits a feeling that I forgot about.

You see, I’ve been so unsuccessful in so many things, that I forgot what success felt like.

For some, it’s finishing a cross word puzzle, for others it’s the mere fact that they took a step.  Success has many forms and shapes.  Unfortunately, so does failure.

Failure is a word I know very well since I’ve experienced it so much in the last three years or so.  I failed to continue riding my bike, I’ve failed my future ex-wife as a spouse, I’ve failed to be good to myself, I’ve failed, ALOT.  I feel guilty as hell about it.  It hurts ALOT.  There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss my little girl.  And yes, I do miss my ex, er future ex.  I feel that I have failed them as a man, a spouse, and a father.  If I could go back into the past and change it, I would.  But since I don’t have a time machine or 1.21 giggawatts of power, I can’t.

So where do I go from here?  What can I do to prevent the mistakes that I’ve made?  What is it going to take to get me back on the winning track?  How do I succeed every day instead of failing?  The answer lies only within myself and no one else.  The same goes for all of you who read this posting.  If you feel you are failing, if you feel that you are unsuccessful in everything that you do, then stop what you’re doing.  Have a film session and correct your mistakes.  You see that’s the great thing about having chances, you’re not limited to the amount but it’s what you do with them that counts the most.

I’ll try to be more regular about posting here again.  I like writing, and miss it as I miss a great many other things that I stopped doing.  Here’s a challenge to all of you who read this:

Think about something or things that you once did really well and liked do and miss dearly.  Then take an assessment of how you can now fit that into your daily life.  Then let me know as I will let you know what I did or am going to do.

Mahalo for reading my musings.  Have a great day!  Aloha!

First Time in a Long Time

Well, well, well I have found my way back into the blogosphere. I dunno why its been so long between posts. I haven’t been on the bike in quite a while.

The reason is because I’ve been trying to figure things out in my life. About two months or so ago, I had a moment of clarity. The result was a decision to bring my career back to where it started, Arenaball or in indoor football. Football is one of the three sports that I’m passionate about, cycling and baseball are the other two. But football is what my career has centered around.

I love everything about the game. The physicality of the sport, the pageantry, the passion of the people associated with the game. Football is a sport that brings a group of people together to attain a common goal. Winning is tantamount. I miss the thrill of walking into a stadium full of people that dislike you so much that they despise you not for who you are but for who you represent. I love that!

I’m trying to get back in. I’m hoping that an opportunity that has been presented to me becomes a reality and soon.

In regard to my cycling, I’ve put that on hold as well. The weather here had not been cooperative for someone in my shape and let’s be honest, I’m not a pro. I don’t have the money to upgrade my equipment, and I need to desperately. Until I do, I won’t.

Well when I have more news, I will report it, I promise. Oh by the way, this whole plasitzer issue with Contador is kinda coming up at a weird time. It really takes this long to get test results back? Not that I’m pulling for the guy but c’mon now, this is stupid.

Ok now I’m done.

I dunno yet, when I know, you’ll know

The title pretty sums up how I feel right now. Its a little disconcerting to leave your future in the hands of others. You always have to wait, whether your sitting back in the peloton waiting for your GC guy to come back from the service vehicles or awaiting your fate in a future employment situation.

That’s the position that I’m in right now. I’m hopeful that will all change this up coming week.

That is all.

Le Tour With a Side of Dope

Before I get to the gist of the post, a special hello to those of you finding my little corner of the blogosphere from the Crank Bicycle Blog List. Aloha, Shalom, and other types of greetings to all of the worldly readers. Now onto the meat!

I think that today, Saturday, 24JUL10, the day of St19 of LeTour, the Race of Truth, the ITT. I’ve had the pleasure to work with teams in professional and intercollegiate football, soccer, baseball, and basketball. So it goes to say that I’ve seen a great many athletic feats. But I do not believe that I’ve seen anything as amazing as the ITT today and st17 ridden by Andy Schleck. The man who claimed a few days ago that “I’ve go a lot of anger in my stomach,” surely proved it.

To do what he, and Contador for that matter, did will more than likely top Tour lore for a very long time. For them to ride almost hand-in-hand across the finish on Le Tourmlet after sitting back then attacking the breakaway was simply an amazing feat. You can clearly tell that st18 was used as a long coffee ride to recover for today’s stage. I don’t think that I’ll ever be that good to participate in something like that.

Then for the ITT, wow! To have some GC riders finish below the Top 50 was AMAZING. To have Canch blow away the field early on in the stage shows why he’s not only the Olympic, but the World Champion as well. He did the Rainbow jersey justice. Now I know that the riders that went off later had a harder time, but to go 53km in barely an hour, wow! So back to Schleck for a minute. Amazing. That’s all.

Ok now on to the elephant at LeTour, “Landisgate”. I didn’t get to watch ABC’s little sit-down last night, but if I had to guess it was full of his rhetoric about seeing Lance, Hincapie, Hamilton, and others doping with Johan helping and selling bikes for dope and crap like that. Look I’m smart enough not to assume that they didn’t do it. I don’t know ’cause I wasn’t there. What I do know is this, I bought Landis’ bullshit about his innocence. (As a side note, his book is actually a good read. I went through it in like 5 days and can still remember some of the details.) But for this to come out like this is just crazy. Its almost as if Landis contacted Jose Canseco and took his advice word for word.

Its gonna be some time before all of this is resolved. And now with the allegations coming out against Patachi in the last few days, its gonna get ugly before it gets pretty.

Dopers Suck. They really do. They ruined the sport. Tainted race results. Crushed the hopes of children everywhere. So will it happen again, but this time millions of men, women, and children suffering from an extremely shitty disease that my parents have gone through 4 times collectively. God I pray its not true and that every one gets clear and we can move forward.

So on a brighter note, I blew my rear wheel this morning and had to ride 4 miles over 3 bridges and 4 speed humps on a flat tire. But I did see a nice sunrise. More tomorrow, I promise

I Need Help

So just as the title suggests, I need help. Here’s the problem:

I know that I need to get back onto my bike,very soon. The problem is that I don’t have a riding partner and lack the motivation to do so. Le Tour should be my motivator, right? It was last year. But this one, not. My bike is a piece of shit & needs a lot of work. I don’t have the money to repair it.

Not having a job, other than being a full-time dad, sucks. I’m lamenting in my own personal bullshit ’cause I’m getting passed over for jobs in all fields. I need new equipment & can’t get any. I need a new bib & jersey & can’t get one. I need more time in the day & can’t get it.

So here’s my choices, I can get up at 0430 and ride, sell my body or other stuff for money, pander to the masses for cash, win Poweball, or just go with the status quo.

So I guess I need help & a lot of it.